Man I', such a P**king loner. I light have alot of different friends but never a really consistent 1. There's always no one that I can tell everything to... No one's shoulder that I can really comfortably cry on. Damn Puck sia. Has there really ever been anyone that has seen me really be emo, angst or depressed?
Sometimes its not because Im always a happy person, but just that no one ever sees the real me or how real I am.
Its true that I rarely get upset but what if i really am.
When in front of anybody I "lose control", do I really lose control or is it just the outside of me trying to get all high while I'm just crying inside.
After both my grandfathers' death I've ever thought of sitting in a corner by running half way through sectionals. At night i cry and cry without anybody nowing although my brother migh tjust be beside me.
I want to cry all day all night, in every place, every corner I know.
But I always end up automatically telling myself.
Xi En you'll always be that cheerful seed, and wont ever cry in school because you miss someone and ironically thats all true.
Im just a sorry and pathetic excuse for life, and a stupid ass who contradicts one self.